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147Jason May 15, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Oh, and never treat a woman badly. Maintain your own frame, and don’t allow her to push you around, but don’t treat her badly.
Jason´s last [type] ..Thoughts from CS Lewis
148Sam F May 15, 2011 at 6:59 pm
Thanks, guys, for the advices.
What brought me to this site is the fact that I recently screwed up a chance with this really pretty girl I really like. She’s really unique–she really stands up for things she believe in, which I find really refreshing (even though there are times I disagree with her).
Let me tell you a bit about myself: I grew up in an emotionally abusive home and my parents moved from Asia to America when I was 13, and the cultural shock eventually caused me to have a long (5+ years) depression. I have never really been able to connect with people well.
And so, actually when I met this girl–I was wondering about the question myself: “Is this what love is supposed to be like? Am I crushing on her because she’s soooo pretty, or because I really really like her as a person?” Because of this, I hesitated–and we only remained friends (I didn’t know about the “friend zone” either). Imagine the shock when I found out later from her friends that, had I asked her out, she would have said yes! I just went into shock for the next month or so.
Oh well, the past is the past, but from this experience I learned that:
1) If you’re a guy and you have emotional problems, you can’t depend on anyone else. You have to fix it yourselves. If you’re a girl, sometimes you can count on finding a really great guy who will support you all the way–I’ve actually known a girl like that, and I’m really really envious. But I’m a guy. So, gotta toughen up.
2) A guy really have to have experience with courting girls no matter what. If you’re not the kind of guy that are interested in things which can get you to meet girls (nerds, for instance, or math whizes), then you need to find other interests. Because desperation is sooooo not cool.
3) Jason is right. Because of my inexperience with girls, I lost my frame around this girl and eventually she lost interest. No matter how pretty a girl may be, you definitely can’t lose your frame. If there’s anything I’ve learned from my ex co-worker, having your life defined by women would only make you miserable. Goals have to be beyond women.